It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
