I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
