Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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