My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
