im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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