this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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