I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
