For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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