Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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