What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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