Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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