Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.

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(678): View more from Georgia

did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?

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(303): View more from Colorado

Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods

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(310): View more from California

This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.

(1-310): View more from California

Depends

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