I hope mine doesn't look like that
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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