ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
