someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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