I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
