you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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