That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's never too late to be topless.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
