when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
