dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
