oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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