This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
