someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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