i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
