I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The adults are the big ones right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
