my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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