Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize