Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
