it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
