i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
