Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize