someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
