I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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