she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
