You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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