Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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