I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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