She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
