ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
