i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
