that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
