u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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