my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
