I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
