Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
