Will you blow on my dice?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
