I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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