smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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