everyone is single if you try hard enough
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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