If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
