Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
