we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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