HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
