just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
