It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
