This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
