I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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