Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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