So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
