even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Couch. On fire.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
