I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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