Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
