Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
