I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
