dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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