So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
