YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
