I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
