yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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