Kiss
Puke
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
