you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
