By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
