There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
