If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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