yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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