Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
