we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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