guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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