woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Come share oat with me in your robe
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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