it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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