my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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