this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
