the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
