actually, I'm a sock model
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
