Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
