I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
