we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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