My nipple is on Facebook.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
