just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
