I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
