yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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