So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
