Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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