You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
