just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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