doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
